What is grief?
Grief is our way of reacting to the loss of someone or something we hold dear - not just loved ones and pets, but also jobs, homes, relationships. Losing someone or something you love creates a wound that only grieving can heal. In fact, if we don't allow ourselves to grieve, the hurt can take its toll emotionally, physically or both, sometimes for years.
Signs & symptoms
Most people experience grief physically, emotionally and psychologically. Symptoms can last weeks, months or years and vary in their frequency and intensity. These can include:
- Physical symptoms
- Trouble getting to sleep; waking up in the night
- Weight loss or weight gain; eating too much or too little
- Lack of energy; fatigue
- Headaches, chest pain, anxiety, panic attacks
- Digestive problems
- Hair loss
- Emotional symptoms
- Shock, confusion
- Denial, disbelief
- Sadness, yearning, despair
- Anger, humiliation
- Guilt
- Psychological symptoms
- Mood swings, crying jags
- Distraction; difficulty concentrating
- Inability to function day-to-day
- Depression
A note on depression: The sadness that goes along with grief is different from depression. Someone who is grieving usually can carry on with their day-to-day activities. But someone who is depressed suffers from longer-lasting sypmtoms that get in the way of normal, everyday functioning.
Read more about depression.
There's no timetable nor any real order to the process of grieving. Generally, someone who is grieving will go through these phases:
- Separation involves acknowledging the loss and accepting that it's irrevocable. It means finding ways to focus emotional energy in other directions. It does not mean forgetting or trying to replace what was lost.
- Readjustment means learning to live in a new, changed world. This can mean adopting a new identity, taking on new roles or learning new skills in order to carry on with life.
- Formation of new relationships involves successfully redirecting emotional energy toward other people, interests and activities.
Who's at risk?
Everyone experiences grief, and every person's grief is unique and personal. The grieving process can vary depending on the relationship with the person or object lost, the situation surrounding the death or loss, and the degree of attachment to the person or thing lost. Despite how you feel when you're going through it, grief does become less intense when it's allowed to run its healing course.
Professional help is available
Professional help might be in order if your symptoms don't lessen or if they get more intense. If your grief seems overwhelming, a professional can help you work through it.
Priority Health members can
check here for information on getting mental health assistance.
What you can do
When you are grieving, emotional support - from friends, family, support groups - is a must. There are also things you can do to help yourself get through this painful time.
Ways to cope with grief:
- Find support in the people around you. Connect with friends and relatives who know and understand you. Join a network or support group with others who've experienced what you're going through.
- Talk about it. Telling other people how you feel can help you work through your grief.
- Be healthy. Eat well and get the rest you need. Don't try to numb your feelings with alcohol or medications. It can lead to dependency.
- Be patient. It can take months or years to work through grief and adjust to the changes in your life.
- Get help if you need it. Professional help might be needed if your symptoms don't lessen or if they get more intense. If your grief is overwhelming, a professional can help you work through it.
How you can help others grieve:
- Listen. Let someone who is grieving talk about it. Encourage them to share their feelings and memories.
- Don't offer cliches as comfort. Trite expressions like "It was for the best" or "Time heals all wounds" are not helpful. Instead, simply say, "I'm sorry," and take time to listen and empathize.
- Offer to help. Someone who is grieving is probably physically and emotionally spent. Help with cooking, cleaning, baby-sitting and running errands is usually appreciated.
- Be patient. There is no set time to be "over" a loss. Recovery can take a long time. Keep yourself available to listen and to help where you can.
- Encourage professional help if it's needed. Sometimes people with emotional pain can't see that they might need outside help. Recommend professional assistance - and help them get it - if they obviously aren't coping by themselves.
